IT CAME FROM THE MIND OF STEVE BAXLEY
By Steve Baxley
(As told to Pita while skiing on the alps)

(Steve steps up to the podium ..taps microphone)

>Good Morning!

>I like to begin todays meeting by saying what a great turn out we have today, hope that we have a more fuller turn out next time.

>The Detroit tigers continue to chase history, Wonder if Mike Illitch will now trade the tigers for say the MONTREAL EXPOS,117 games lost, 3 more to tie, 4 more to make the history book as the legitimate WORST team ever.

>So when the Detroit Shock beat Cleveland Rockers, guess what happened next, THE ROCKERS BECAME EXTINCT!,Bill Laimbeer should be proud of what this shock team accomplished..going from worst to first!

>So sergi Federov says he wanted to stay with detroit, but that it was the problems with anna that made him stab us all in the back??? gee..and I thought it was pure greed..


>Speaking of Anna, on teh pages of TVNOTAS, a mexican version of US Magazine, there we see Anna and enrique inglassias canoodling in public, on a bench, horizontal, with his hands ..uh..shall we say inspecting the inside of her pants! hmmm..talk about a "palm pilot"

>It can now be told, Not only has Tony Blair lost his hold on his people, but George W. bush has now become the next biggest liar in the world, see it was king george II who said that saddy was responsible for 11 september, then came that "He's hiding WMDs" and we invaded his country and then said "the WAR IS OVER" .. Man how long IS that nose of his????

>If I were King George II I would just come out and admit not only that he lied, but that he really screwed up everything..like father like son I guess.

Later all

LUPITA:THE GOLDEN PRINCESS:PART 8
By Steve Baxley
(Based on the Telemundo mini series from De Mananita)

Stefan and company saw the statue of Lupita's Mother and the pulpit where a shaken,and frightened Lupita was being placed, Donald motioned for rocko to tie her up to the pulpit, "Now she will be mine" said a demented Donald, who now was crazed with all the power and gold that surrounded the pulpit, the volcano continued to rumble as the rescue party began to climb.

Donald grabbed Rocko's gun and began shooting, "Take one step Stefan, and she dies" donald shouted, "STEFAN MY BELOVED,SAVE ME! HELP!!, HE TRIED TO RAPE ME !"
screamed a sobbing and frightened Lupita. After hearing that,Stefan shouted "DONALD YOU BASTARD!..I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU HARMED HER IN ANY WAY"
and he started to climb up the rope, but Rene, and the prince held him back.

"What are you guys doing, LET ME GO!" said a defiant yet determined stefan, "NO!" the king said, "I have a better Idea" the king exclaimed, and he summond Gousazh to go gather his tribe to reclaim their land. "I shall go now, my king!" said Gousazh.
While this was going on, Donald had a hungry look in his eye, "You bitch, I am your husband, Stefan cant do anything now" he began to caress her face, Lupita spat on him, "I will never stop loving my husband , Stefan IS my true love!" said a scared lupita.

Donald then told Rocko.."Rocko, go see what is going on ", Rocko looked puzzled "but ..but our plan.." Donald slapped Rocko, "you fool, you'll get a chance at your revenge soon enough when im through with her." he said and shoved rocko out of the way and grabbed Rocko's gun "DO IT DAMN IT!" Dnald shouted, Rocko had no choice but to obey.

Donald saw Stefan and shouted "HEY STEFAN, YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING,I ENVIED YOU WHEN I HEARD YOU GOT MARRIED TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD, I WANTED TO BE SO LUCKY, BUT NO WOMAN WANTED ME..I WAS A SHUNNED MAN, BUT THAT IS GOING TO CHANGE, I HAVE THE MONEY, THE POWER, AND NOW...I HAVE YOUR WOMAN,AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!" Donald laughed as he began to fondle Lupita's breasts making a shaken and frightened Lupita squirm to try to escape.

Stefan was furious, "DAMNIT! What can we do?",just then Gousazh came back with reinforcements,"My king, what are we to do now.." Gousazh asked Stefan began to calm down and the king,with the help of his son the prince devised a plan to save Lupita.

As night fell,donald began to lose it more, "You are mine" ,he began to get more demented and aroused as he touched Lupitas body,"god you are beautiful,and there is nothing you can do about it" Lupita continued to struggle with the ropes as donald
continued to touch her. she spat at him "YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ME DAMN YOU" lupita said.
Donald went nuts and grabbed a knife, "IF I CANT HAVE YOU,NO ONE WILL! and cut the ropes "ROCKO!!! ITS TIME ..HOLD HER ARMS, LUPITA TAKE A LAST LOOK..YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE".. as Donald and rocko took Lupita towards the edge of the rumbling volcano, donald screamed "IF I CANT HAVE YOU ..THE VOLCANO WILL", Lupita stood at the edge and saw the lava bubble up and she screamed "STEFAN SAVE ME!" and fainted at the edge.,Rocko stopped and looked at Donald "I cant do this, its barbaric and in humane..Donald this must stop, do you know wh.." Donald took Rocko by the collar and said "Dont make me use your own gun on you,Now THROW HER IN!", Rocko looked at out cold body of lupita and said "NO,I wont Donald, just because you couldnt get a date with the prom queen dont make you take what isnt yours ,thsi is not the type revenge I agreed to!!", Donald looked at Rocko angerly and said ,"Very well, then I wont push her in the volcano" Rocko smiled and said "Now you are making sense! and as he turned to get his gun Donald smiled with evil and said, "You should learn never turn your back on yoru enemies" and pushed Rocko into the volcano, Rocko screamed as Donald smiled,he looked at the unconscious body of Lupita and started to pick her up, "Now its time for you to join him"..just then a gun was aimed behind Donald, he got up,turned and saw Stefan,"No you bastard, now its time for YOU to join him" and started to cock his gun, "Wrong, Stefan..SO DAMN WRONG!" and pushed the gun from stefan's hands and punched him to the ground.a fight insued ,while this was going on, lupita's body was right on the edge, she began to gain conciousness and saw that she was at the edge of the volcano,in shock she turned her head to see Stefan and Donald fighting, her hand slipped and she was about to fall, when Rene and Gousazh came to her aide.

The fight between Donald and Stefan continued,until Donald looked and saw Lupita had been rescued, but he saw his "followers" behind the rescue party, "Now its time to send you all to hell..ATTACK!!!"but the tribesmembers saw the godl donald stole and finally fought back,they surrounded Donald with spears drawn.

"YOU FOOLS! I gave you all power,I gave you all wealth, and this is how I am to be thanked..I WAS YOUR GOD!!" Gousazh spoke for the tribe, "No ! you were a tyrant,and fool,and stole from our people and took our lives and our peace!" as he and the tribe advanced on a now powerless Donald. Donald started to back up and
was stopped by Stefan.."I told you Donald, you had a chance to be as happy as me, BUT you never really looked in your heart as one woman really loved you, yet you NEVER knew, you cared more about one upping me!" stefan said as Donald laid on the ground scared." Wh-wh-what are you talking about" Donald said..just then he heard, "Donald, Remember Me..I loved you" as the tribesmen moved back , donald saw a familiar sight.

A beautiful blonde woman walked up towards Donald..Donald stood up and cleaned his glasses, "Svetlana??,but-but you hated me,you were the head cheerleader and I thought you hated me", Svetlana looked at Donald and said "silly, i always loved you,but you could never see that because you would never listen to your heart"
Donald looked at Svetlana and began to cry "Yes I was jealous of Stefan, very jealous, but how was I to know ,no one..really cared about me" donald said.

Svetlana hugged Donald and said, "Silly boy, you had friends..you just wouldnt let them in your life, you cared only about revenge on Stefan and George when you had everything you always wanted.but you never saw it"

Donald looked at Stefan and Lupita...and then walked up to them, "Im sorry Stefan, Im sorry Lupita..can you guys ever forgive me for what I have done and for who I became" he looked at svetlana and asked, "Will you ever forgive me, and Can I ever have a second chance?", Lupita and stefan stood up and hugged Donald. "You do realize of course you got to do time for what you have done" Stefan said ..

Donald looked at Svetlana,"what about us, do we have a chance to be together?",
Svetlana smiled and said "of course..Im a lawyer now,you know, I think I can convince the judge to release you into my custody!"

As the party all left Stefan said "Listen..the volcano is silent", the king said "of couse, the volcano no longer is angry..but is now happy, the legend says that when the volcano god is happy all is forgiven."Donald looked at the king and prince and said "I would like to repay you for all the damage I caused and the greed as well ."
the king looked at the prince and smiled "I think I can see my way into maybe letting you work off your debt ..if you are willing.

Donald looked at the king and nodded, "I do"..the king then proclaimed "Then let this be law, that henceforth this sorrowful man will forever be ..HEAD CHEF OF CHEZ ASULASH!"

Donald was shocked and said "thank you!" and along with svetlana,the party left the volcano, the king nudged Stefan and the prince and whispered.."can you two keep a secret??" the two nodded "the volcano is a fake"..and pulled some bushes exposing a secret button that activated the volcano ..
"hey what can I say..we love tourist season" the king winked..

next day as the whole party went back to the ship, Stefan and Rene along with their wives said good bye to their friends, "Well george,you and your father really gave us an adventure we will never forget"stefan said, the prince laughed and said "well, maybe next time you come visit it will be on better terms"
they all hugged and boarded the ship. as the ship left Lupita snuggled up to Stefan and said "My dearest, you are my golden heart!" and kissed stefan..Rene cuddled with maria and sighed"well another wild trip with danger,and yet we always survive..all 4 of us" maria looked at Rene and said ..All FOUR of us, uh Rene Ive something to tell you...and she whispered in rene's ear..Rene was stunned, Stefan and Lupita looked on and Lupita asked "whats going on rene?"

Rene looked at Stefan and Lupita, and at a smiling Maria and said ...WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!

stefan and lupita were shocked and pleased,they embraced maria and Rene..Well I guess something good came from this trip after all.

Back at the volcano a burned hand emerged from the volcano.."I will get my revenge on all of you soon"

THE END

VEGAS SLIM FALL PREVIEW ISSUE
PART DEAUX!

And welcome to the Ceasars Palace of Fall TV previews..

TUESDAY:
8 simple new shows..

8:30-IM WITH HER/abc:Starring Teri Polo as movie star Alex Young who falls for high school english teacher Patrick Owen, Played by David Suthcliffe, based on the real life romance of Brooke Sheilds and the show's co-creator Chris Henchy-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:THIS SHOW IS A BIT ON A BUBBLE ITSELF AS THE FUTURE OF ITS LEAD SHOW "8 SIMPLE RULES" IS UNKNOWN AFTER THE SHOCKING PASSING OF JOHN RITTER-DICE ROLL....THANKS,BUT FOR NOW, I'LL PUT MY CHIPS ON THE "PASS" LINE FOR NOW UNTIL THINGS ARE SETTLED

8:30-NAVY NCIS/CBS:Stars Mark Harmon as a leader of a team of agents in the Naval Criminal Investigative Service.-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:ITS JAG'S BABY !! -DICE ROLL...6 OUT OF 12

8:00-WHOOPI/NBC:Stars Whoopi Goldberg in what could be said as the thrid time for an american version of "Fawlty towers".-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:THIS SHOW HAS SOME REDEEMING VALUES...I JUST CANT FIND THEM -DICE ROLL...4 OUT OF 12

8:30-HAPPY FAMILY/NBC:Stars John Laroquette and Christine Branski who are hoping for an "empty nest" but find that is not possible -VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:EVEN WITH THE WELCOME RETURN OF LARROQUETTE AND BRANSKI TO TV,AND WHOOPI AS A LEAD IN...THIS SHOW HAS PROBS!-DICE ROLL...3 OUT OF 12

8:30-ALL OF US/UPN:Stars Duane Martin as a TV reporter who would love for his new main squeeze Tia (played by "The Hughley's" Hottie,Elise Neal) to get along with his ex-wife (Played by LisaRaye)..ExProd by Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett Smith in fact, this show is loosely based on the pair.-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:THIS HAS GOT HOPE!-DICE ROLL....11 OUT OF 12

9:00-ROCK ME BABY/UPN:Stars Dan Cortese as Jimmy, a Shock Jock and Bianca Kajlich as his wife, Beth, whose lifes are upside down when Beth gives birth to their first kid.-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM: I SAW THIS LONG AGO,WHEN IT WAS HOWARD STERN'S "PRIVATE PARTS"-DICE ROLL....SNAKE EYES!

9:00-1 TREE HILL/WB:Stars Hilarie Burton,James Lafferty and Chad micheal murray..think "dawsons creek" with basketballs.-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:THIS SHOW FOULS OUT!-DICE ROLL.....CRAP OUT

9:30-THE MULLETS/UPN:Stars David Hornsby and Micheal Weaver as mullet haired roofers named ..MULLET,with a gorgeous mom played by Loni Anderson who is married to a game show host played by John O'Hurley.-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:WHY ???-DICE ROLL.....2 OUT OF 12

VEGAS' FINAL ROLL:UPN's second night of comedies is a bit flawed..while ABC has a big problem on Tuesday night..I got to give this night to NBC, while FOX and WB battle it out for third.


Tomorrow...Wednesday Night

IT CAME FROM THE MIND OF STEVE BAXLEY
SPECIAL FALL PREVIEW ISSUE
BY VEGAS SLIM

Hi fallsters, Im a bit late, but what da hell!!

Lets kick this season in the buns wit some boogie baby!!

SUNDAY:
We gots 5 new shows on a deadly night, of course when ANY show goes
up against the CBS Solid Sunday Squad..ya knows there be some trippin and zipping going on..

8pm et-10-8/abc:Think of dis as a remake of "The Rookies",ON A LOOOOW BUDGET-Starring Danny Nucci as a brooklyn hood who is the newest deputy trainee for the
LAPD,and Ernie Hudson (HBOs "OZ")Plays the training officer who is old school!-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM: DIS IS ONE SHOW THAT DONT MAKE THE GRADE! MAYBE A NEW TIME SLOT COULD WORK OUT-DICE ROLL...4 OUT OF 12

8pm-COLD CASE/CBS:Stars Kathryn Morris as Lily Rush, a tough, yet cunnin' philly homicide detective whose speciality is unsolved cases.-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:THREE WORDS..CBS SUNDAY POWERHOUSE!! NUFF SAID !-DICE ROLL...11 OUT OF 12

8:30-THE ORTEGAS/FOX:Stars Al Madrigal as host of his very own talk show..IN HIS OWN BACKYARD!!, along with him is his family headed by Cheech Marin-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:AT LEAST IT AINT ANNA NICOLE!-DICE ROLL...5 OUT OF 12

9:30-ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT/FOX:Stars Jason Bateman as Micheal Bluth,the black sheep of a delusional high uppity crusted while trying to raise his son.-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:TEEN ANGST SUCKS!-DICE ROLL....CRAP OUT!

10:00-THE LYONS DEN/NBC:Stars Rob lowe as Jack turner a lawyer..think of this as whats under "THE WEST WING"-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:ROB LOWE, NUFF SAID!-DICE ROLL.....BOXCARS!!!!

9:00-TARZAN/WB:Stars Travis Fimmel as the loin clothed king of the jungle
trying to adapt to a new jungle..NYC!-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:HIM TARZAN...SHOW NOT LONG FOR EVEN APES WILL LEAVE!-DICE ROLL...3 OUT OF 12


VEGAS' FINAL ROLL:CBS again claims Sunday nights, while FOX shines and the WB
makes some strides,ABC may want to rethink its sunday lead tho..

MONDAY:
4 New shows,and a final season of a monday night funfest lead!
While abc stays in footy mode

8:30-EVE/UPN:Stars singer EVE as Shelly a single Miami fashion designer
in biz with her two GF's-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:SANDWICHED BETWEEN UPN'S COMEDY "THE PARKERS" AND "GIRLFRIENDS", A MONDAY NIGHT BLOCK OF COMEDY, UPN MAY HAVE FOUND A NICHE FINALLY-DICE ROLL....6 OUT OF 12

9:00-SKIN/FOX:Stars DJ Cotrona as Adam Roame,the sun of a politically driven DA on a crusade against smut, while Oliva Wilde plays Jewel Goldman,the daughter of a sex mogul (played by Ron Silver)-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:PRECEEDING "JOE MILLIONAIRE" AND UP AGAINST JAMES CANN'S "LAS VEGAS",THE CBS MONDAY COMEDY BLOCK,AND THE WB'S THREE FAVES ..SKIN WONT BE IN FOR LONG-DICE ROLL....4 OUT OF 12

9:00-LAS VEGAS/NBC:Stars James Cann as a former CIA spook now running a vegas casino and josh duhamel as a ex-marine and a ladies man whose fling with a "Naughty daddy's girl" who just happens to be the daughter of Cann's "Big Ed" character proves to be more dangerous than he thought, when he is welcomed into the family.-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:WHERE FX'S "LUCKY" FAILED..DIS SHOW RECAPTURES IT AND TAKES IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL-DICE ROLL...BOX CARS!!

9:30-2 AND A HALF MEN/CBS:Stars Charlie Sheen and Jon cryer, you know this premise, dad is a chiropractor who hasnt loosened up and takes his son and moves in with charlie sheen.-VEGAS SLIM'S WORDS OF WISDOM:MONDAY NOW IS FUNDAY!-DICE ROLL....10 OUT OF 12

VEGAS' FINAL ROLL :ABC'S STAYIN WITH NEWS AND MNF,WHILE CBS STANDS FOR COMEDY,WB'S DRAMA STAYS IN TACT ..WHILE UPN GETS COMEDILICIOUS, NBC PULLS UP THE REAR WITH FEAR. A TOSS UP BETWEEN UPN AND CBS FOR TOP DAWG

Tomorrow: Tuesday and Wednesday Nights predictions

JUST A QUICK UPDATE:
By Raoul J. Valdez
(AKA STEVE BAXLEY)

Just got some good news..the computer could be fixed by next week!


I walk the line to stalag 13 with Hogan and his gang while Jack tripper has 8 simple rules for dating Pita Ojeda

Good Bye Larry hovis,
Adieu John Ritter,
Bon Voyage Man In black ..Johnny Cash!

My youth is now officially over !

IT CAME FROM THE MIND OF STEVE BAXLEY
By Steve Baxley
(As Told To Pita while at a downtown eatery)

>Well folks, good news, sometime this week the computer gets a new motherboard and hopefully
in 2 to 3 weeks..I WILL NOT BE DOING THIS ON A LIBRARY COMPUTER!!

>Saw some excellent wrestling this weekend, Ed and Tom Farhat and the whole family should be
proud of the tradition they have restarted here in Michigan

>My Co-host on the radio Doug Pribe got lucky in Columbus, which is more than I can say for the
Ohio State Pol..uh I mean Buckeyes! one word of advice for spartan and wolverine fans..MAKE YOUR
OSU CRIMINAL SIGNS NOW!!

>Speaking of criminal...THE TIGERS STILL STINK!

>My Lugnuts are 3 games away from winning another Midwest League Series championship!! god how I love Minor
League Baseball!!

>The Detroit Lions have done something FINALLY to be proud of...THEY WON A HOME GAME!!! way to go MOOCH!!!
this could start a dangerous trend..imagine the LIONS in the super bowl???

>Hockey Season starts soon...better get my DON CHERRY 6 inch collars ready!

>Bill Laimbeer VS Micheal Cooper..but its not another lakers/pistons final, its the Sparks and the detroit shock! yep, im
really into the WNBA now! good luck Shock!

>Some one should tell Bill France that his little NASCAR is slowly turning into the WWE, whats next ? what ever happened to fan friendly NASCAR??

> My most guilty pleasures (besides dreaming of Pita)..Watching the new shows on TELEMUNDO, "La Cenicienta" and ' Amor Descararado"


two great shows, PLUS they are they ONLY shows that are DUAL CLOSED CAPTIONED !!

FROM THE MIND OF STEVE BAXLEY
By Steve Baxley
(As Told to pita ojeda while on a gondola ride in venice)

>Two weeks!!! the computer returns! JOY!!!

>So vivendi-universal sells its US entertainment group to NBC, Im going to have fun now!!

>Max Wright BUSTED on DUI, how the talented have really fallen

>Hmm... modelling or working on TV, interesting week this will be

>Th-Th-Thats about all folks